Deep breaths.

I've always taken confidence in knowing that I can handle anything that comes my way. Anything too big to fit on my own plate, God has helped me out with. But this week, worldly restrictions got in the way, and proved to me that there are limits... real limits that hold strong, even when pushed with motivation, perseverance, prayers... and coffee.

I really don't work all that much... only 20-25 hours a week. I mean, that's not even full time. And I'm only taking 14 active credits, 17 if you include my internship commons hours, where we gather to discuss the pros and cons of the real world. And I'm kinda involved in some student orgs. Not all that much stuff, right? Add emotions to the plate... emotions sprouting from unanticipated drama, everyday occurrences, and academia. And then add 4 rather large projects, a quiz, and a test... and mix all the above into a teeny tiny week. Press "liquefy". What do you get? A mess... a hysterical, hyped-up-on-ridiculous-levels-of-caffeine, exhausted mental breakdown. That mess was mine, I'm afraid to say. One poor professor was my witness. And this weekend has been all about nourishing the war wounds... sleep, in absurd quantities, and a lovely run, have brought me a long way, and I think I may have found my sanity. I think. Next week, we'll know for sure.

Everyday, I grow a little bit, and learn a little more about what it means to be me, and how I want to define my existence. Often, especially last year, I've found myself drowning myself in obligations, opportunities, and responsibilities that I believed would lend to my personal development. And I justify such drowning with the "delayed gratification" principle. But this summer, I learned what it feels like to be spontaneous, and live for yourself, and to indulge, and to appreciate the beautiful things in life. In doing so, I realized something important... something I don't think I ever would have realized without an experience directing me to it. I realized that life experiences develop me as a person... they give me new perspectives, and new views from which to understand the people around me... and such experiences are just as beneficial as any academic glorification or noble deed. Yet here I find myself, just one month into school, already forgetting the most important thing I learned this summer.

Sometimes, I just need to stop. And breathe. And remember, that I am only on this planet once, and everyday presents opportunities to appreciate this planet and all it entails.

My new goal: I will stop and smell the roses, every single day. And I suggest you do, too.

Just one little person

Ya know, I do the best I can.
But sometimes I can't help but feel that it just isn't enough.

If my loved ones are hurting, and I can't even detect it... well, then, what kind of friend does that make me? Perhaps a bit too much of a hectic and impersonal one. I'll work on that... I'll stop more often for conversations.

But what if I'm aware of their unhappiness, and unable to help? Unable because of my obligations and responsibilities that monopolize my time; unable because I've exhausted my resources and ideas; unable because I'm reaching for the right plan that'll save the day, and yet can't quite conjure one up.

Getting caught up in materialism is blatantly obviously bad. But getting caught up in one's own pursuits, be it academic or entrepreneurial, is just as unforgiving. Were does the line get drawn, though, I ask, because if I don't live my life, no one will. If I don't pursue my dreams, no one will. If I don't accomplish my goals, no one will... and they'll go un-accomplished. And that's just not me.

But I also can't help but realize my obligations to my loved ones. If you really need me, call me. I'll drop everything for you... every one of you.

One day... one breath... at a time

Yikes.
Unfortunately, summer is officially over. Really, it has been over for quite a while now. But fresh memories and a desperate desire for its return has kept it lingering in my mind and work habits. Translation: I've been procrastinating far too much lately, doing things that seem necessary but should really take the back burner, and it's time to step it up into type-A Ashley gear. So, if you happen to cross my path in upcoming weeks, I appoligize in advance. I will be a chaotic, over-scheduled, narcoleptic mess. But, hopefully, all will pay off one day, and something grand will come of it. That's for you, God... lead me somewhere, please.

Hello there.

My once technology-illiterate self has thrown her arms up in the air in frustration. If you can't beat them, join them. So here I am: an ipod, cell phone, Macbook carrying college undergrad who starting a blog for friends and family who want to keep up with me.

Sigh.

Though I assure you, I haven't gone mainstream, and have no intention of doing so... ever. The ipod was free. My cell is ghetto fabulous, and nearly the size of those now-obsolete house phones. My Macbook carries me though life... graciously introducing me to her techical skills one day at a time. And as far as the blog goes... well, if you know me, you know I love to write. So here I am, writing for my loved ones, and myself, through this semi-new (to me) and exciting medium. Lemme know what you think. While I've tried this blogging thing before, this time it's with a new intent. So those of you who "stumble upon" my site, feel free to read on--this one was made for you.



So... here I am: East Lansing, fourth year (of five) at MSU, living in a co-op. Surely, adventures will ensue. And you'll hear about them here.

Alot has changed in my life in the past three months... as in, nearly everything. Don't worry! I'm still bounded to my ethics and morals--but my outlook, and my future, has taken a turn. I don't know where I'll be in two years. I don't know who I'll love in two years. All I know is who I am today. And that's a gal who wants to fullfill her potential on her God-given path. That's a gal who lost a love in exchange for a strong, ever-lasting friendship. That's a gal who fell in-love, again, at the most unexpected time in her life. That's a gal who works 20-23 hours a week consulting the MSU community on commuication projects, supports and contributes to a number of organizations on campus, and is actively taking 14 credits (oh yea... plus that intership class...sigh).

That gal is me. Welcome to my world.